This post originally appeared January 19, 2014 on Kink of the Week. Jade expanded the topic to the broader kink of “Clothed Top Naked Bottom” and you can find links to the interesting perspectives of others who enjoy the kink — both tops and bottoms — at the end of the original post.
When I first discovered the joy of having men serve me naked, I had no idea the “naked” part was considered a fetish.
Then one of my toys sent me a link to a site that discussed CFNM (Clothed Female Naked Male). I shrugged. I just found it sexy to have my housework done by a naked man. I didn’t care why it turned him on as long as the house got cleaned and he had a cute ass.
Since Jade asked me to introduce the topic of CFNM for Kink of the Week, I thought I’d look for some online resources to point you to. Unfortunately, I discovered, there seems to be a dearth of accurate information about CFNM online. Searching for the term brings up a slew of male-centric porn sites. Many have unrealistic portrayals of gorgeous woman and (at best) average looking men. (Some women may like Bears, but personally, if you’ve got a beer belly, I do NOT want to see you naked.)
And, because these are male fantasies, the CFNM encounters often involve men getting blow and/or hand jobs. (Hint: if the word “job” is involved, you’re not likely to attract the interest of a female dominant.)
Sites that claim to offer facts about CFNM, instead provide misinformation about female motivation, presumably written by wishful men. (Any site that refers to women as “girls” but males as “men” is about male fantasy, not female dominance.)
So, I will offer some more realistic information about CFNM from the perspective of a FemDom who’s practiced it for almost a decade, written fiction which includes it, and discussed it with other FemDoms. Disclaimer, this is my opinion, your mileage may vary.
Motivations for participating in CFNM vary greatly for both genders. CFNM may or may not demonstrate a woman’s power over a man by keeping him vulnerable, presumably unable to leave the house without her permission to get dressed. It may or may not be part of a Dominant/submissive relationship in which she controls what he wears inside and outside the home.
CFNM may or may not allow a woman to objectify a male’s body (especially if it’s attractive to her) giving him a taste of what she’s experienced her entire life.
CFNM may or may not include humiliation play, such as making disparaging remarks about general or specific aspects of the man’s appearance including (in some cases) the size of his penis, his virility, or other aspects of his masculinity.
CFNM may or may not satisfy a male’s exhibitionism, especially because a woman who keeps her man naked may or may not allow other women to see him nude and parading around naked for one woman may or may not be enough for an exhibitionist.
CFNM may or may not involve sexual contact. And, any sexual contact may or may not include genital stimulation for the male.
For a CFNM scene at a party, women may dress up in fetish wear including boots or high heels. But, if CFNM is the household status quo, she’s just as likely to wear comfy sweats and fuzzy slippers.
If you’re interested in CFNM, I recommend you first determine what you find appealing about it and what you don’t think you’ll enjoy.
Women, does a naked male body turn you on? Do you want to humiliate and/or control a man? Do you enjoy making decisions for your man, including whether or not (and when) he wears clothes? Or do you just enjoy a naked ass peeking out from the bathroom as he scrubs the floor on his hands and knees?
Men, do you want to exhibit your body for admiration or humiliation? Do you wish to parade naked just for a special someone or while serving a dozen ladies at a FemDom tea or in front of the entire community at a dungeon party? Do you enjoy surrendering control or just the sensuality of forgoing clothing? Or is it just that you’re willing to do the housework, but hate getting chemical burns on your jeans?
Your motivation doesn’t have to match your partner’s, it just needs to be compatible.
And, much of your motivation may be determined by whether or not you want a relationship that incorporates CFNM or would just like to engage in the activity for fun once in a while, perhaps with different play partners each time.
Once you’re clear on your motivation, you will find it easier to seek someone who shares your interests or try to incorporate it into your existing relationship(s).
Yes, there’s a dating site just for people looking for CFNM encounters. But, rarely can a single fetish sustain a relationship, especially with a fetish as complex and with as many variations as CFNM. And, of course, in a TPE (Total Power Exchange) relationship whether or not the male enjoys doing the housework naked may not matter to his owner.
If you’re involved in CFNM, perhaps you’d like to join the conversation by sharing how you discovered you enjoy it? What about it rings your chimes? How important is CFNM to your relationship?
And, of course feel free to ask questions. I’ll do my best to answer them.